Ep.1/ Getting Comfortable with Fear and Failure
As I write this, the very topic of fear feels ever-present in my life — both personally and professionally. On a broader scale, we're all collectively navigating a profound shift in consciousness. It's as if we're like caterpillars on the brink of transformation, waiting to metamorphosize into butterflies. Yet, the growing pains — mental, emotional, and physical — can often keep us trapped in cycles of fear.
Are you feeling stuck?
I want to help you shift your relationship with fear, to make it your ally, and guide you towards your heart space. But first, we must lean into the discomfort and make friends with the very things we’ve avoided. Only then can we truly begin to get comfortable with fear and failure.
First let’s talk about the science behind fear and the reasons we might procrastinate in the first place.
The Brain’s Fear Response: The Amygdala’s Role
The amygdala is a small almond-shaped structure deep within the brain, plays a central role in processing fear. When we perceive a threat—whether it’s real or imagined—the amygdala triggers the fight-or-flight response. This leads to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing us for action.
Historically, this mechanism served as a life-saving function, protecting us from immediate physical dangers such as predators. However, in today’s world, it often activates in response to more modern fears—things like public speaking, failure, rejection, or change.
This means that stepping out of our comfort zone can feel like a threat to the brain. In response, our amygdala may cause us to freeze, flee (through procrastination), or even fight (through self-sabotage), making it harder to take that leap of faith or pursue new opportunities.
The Comfort Zone & The Brain’s Need for Predictability
Our brains are hardwired to prioritise safety and efficiency. This means that any situation which introduces uncertainty- sparks a natural sense of fear. The brain perceives the unknown as a potential threat, and research has shown that it actually prefers predictability over happiness. A study by Hirsh, Mar, and Peterson (2012) revealed that the brain finds comfort in the familiar, even if it means staying in situations that don't bring us joy.
The brain, seeking to minimise discomfort and risk, defaults to the safety of the known, even when it’s clear that staying in an unhappy situation doesn’t serve us.
The Dopamine Trap: Instant Gratification vs. Long-Term Growth
Procrastination isn’t just about fear—it’s also about how our brain processes rewards. When faced with a choice between:
A long-term goal that requires effort and uncertainty (e.g., launching a business, getting in shape)
A short-term dopamine hit (e.g., scrolling social media, watching Netflix)
The brain often chooses immediate gratification because dopamine—the "feel-good" neurotransmitter—rewards us instantly. This is why people get stuck in cycles of procrastination, avoiding discomfort for short-term pleasure.
The Negativity Bias: Why We Focus on Fear Over Opportunity
The negativity bias is a cognitive bias where the brain gives more attention to negative experiences than positive ones (Baumeister et al., 2001). This is a survival mechanism that once helped humans to avoid danger, but today, it makes us overestimate risks and underestimate our ability to succeed.
For example, if someone fails once at a business venture, they may magnify that failure and assume they’ll always fail, even if logic says otherwise.
Self-Identity & The Subconscious Fear of Success
Might we fear success even more than we fear failure? Psychologists suggest that when success threatens our self-identity or relationships, we unconsciously sabotage ourselves (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979).
For example:
Someone who grew up hearing "rich people are greedy" may subconsciously avoid wealth.
Someone who was always "the shy one" might sabotage their own confidence because it conflicts with their past identity.
By exploring the science and psychology behind our fears, I hope you’ve come to realise that fear is a natural part of being human. In fact, you may have discovered that what you’re truly afraid of isn’t failure, but success itself—or perhaps the idea of what changing your identity could mean, both for you and how others perceive you.
My advice is simple: when we choose to step forward, we are inevitably putting ourselves out there for judgement. Instead of letting that fear hold you back, take one small, courageous step in the direction you want to go- no matter how small it may be. Take a moment to visualise the person you want to become, really feel it from your heart space, and allow that vision to become a part of your present self. Here are some tips for you to practice when dealing with fear .
1. Name the Fear
One of the simplest yet most powerful things you can do when fear arises is to name it. Research shows that when we identify our fears out loud, the rational part of the brain—the prefrontal cortex—can step in to calm the emotional, fear-driven amygdala (Lieberman et al., 2007). By acknowledging the fear, you’re already beginning to neutralise its grip on you.
This could be as simple as saying to yourself, “I’m afraid of failing,” or “I’m afraid of being judged.” Once you name the fear, you take away some of its power. It’s no longer this looming, abstract force. You’ve brought it into the light, where you can deal with it.
2. Reframe Discomfort
Fear often masquerades as discomfort. But rather than seeing discomfort as a signal to stop, reframe it as a sign of growth. Discomfort is your body’s way of telling you that you’re stretching, evolving, and moving beyond your comfort zone. The fact that you’re uncomfortable means you’re doing something that challenges you, and growth always comes from challenge.
Next time fear creeps in, remind yourself that the discomfort you’re feeling is a good sign. It’s an indicator that you’re exactly where you need to be. The more you reframe discomfort in this way, the more you’ll begin to view fear not as a threat, but as a natural part of the process of transformation.
3. Take Small Risks
One of the most effective strategies to overcome fear is through exposure. Studies in exposure therapy show that when we repeatedly face our fears in small, manageable ways, their intensity diminishes over time. This works because the more we expose ourselves to something, the more familiar—and less frightening—it becomes.
Start by taking small risks that gradually push you out of your comfort zone. It doesn’t have to be a big leap. Maybe it’s speaking up in a meeting, sending an email you’ve been avoiding, or trying something new that’s outside your usual routine. Each time you take action, no matter how small, you’re desensitising your brain to the fear, and slowly, you’ll start to feel less afraid of the bigger risks.
4. Use the 5-Second Rule
The 5-Second Rule, as popularised by Mel Robbins, is a game-changer when it comes to overcoming procrastination. The idea is simple: when you feel the urge to procrastinate or avoid something, count down from 5—5, 4, 3, 2, 1—and then take immediate action.
The countdown interrupts the automatic thoughts that lead to procrastination, effectively bypassing the part of your brain that wants to talk you out of it. The moment you hit ‘1’, you’ve already started moving. Whether it’s getting out of bed, starting a task you’ve been avoiding, or taking a brave first step, the 5-Second Rule shifts your mindset from fear-driven paralysis to action.
5. Compassion Over Perfection
Remember, overcoming fear and procrastination isn’t about being perfect—it’s about progress. There will be times when you falter, when you feel afraid or tempted to retreat back to your comfort zone. And that’s okay. Be kind to yourself in those moments. Growth isn’t linear. The key is to keep showing up, taking small steps, and being compassionate with yourself when things don’t go according to plan.
